To anyone who might be interested (even though this post is mainly an attempt to respond to my brain’s recent chaos), I’m now officially a freshman, freshly enrolled into the Belgrade University’s Faculty of Mathematics database as an astrophysics student. Yes, I passed my exam and I’m only just becoming aware of the longest summer of my life slowly passing by while my holiday task lists and future plans remain a pile of unanswered questions drowning in disorder. Far too poetic and even further too impractical.
First of all, I have made lists. Tones of them, categorized, coming in piles, written, typed, illustrated or merely sketched. Books to read, things to learn, music to listen to, DIY experiments to fail in attempting (and perhaps one or two to pull off). If I don’t do those now, I won’t come back to them ever again, and it’ll be too big a disappointment for me to handle when questioning inner self (which I tend to do a lot) and making further plans (which I tend to do maniacally).
Secondly, more down-to-earth practical and less inner-motivation philosophical, I need to stand on my own two feet. i.e. I need to leave my parents’ house, i.e. I need money, i.e. I need a summer job. Yes, I am that naive – excuse me, but I’ve got to start somewhere, and I have no better idea at the moment. The free time I have now, that same free time I won’t have when I start actively attending lectures and studying, is necessary, so I need to earn as much money as I can as fast as I can, and think of a way to earn money relatively permanently while studying. And that’s a priority.
Apart from that, I also need to live, have fun, and take some time just to do nothing or fuck about with my friends. I need people to share my happiness and chaos with – otherwise there’s no point to anything.
So it’ll be busy and fast and relaxing and calm all at the same time. Chaos in order.
Just the way I like it.